


Outside

by rxootbeer



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cameo of another youtuber group, GTA V AU, Inspired by Music, Light Angst, M/M, and that music is "Outside" by Hollywood Undead, you may know them you may not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxootbeer/pseuds/rxootbeer
Summary: He didn’t want to be back here. He shouldn’t be back here. He shouldn’t be in Los Santos, but he was passing through. That’s what he kept telling himself.---John visits home.





	Outside

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this idea for months now and FINALLY wrote something for it. have fun because i hope to use this idea more in the future.

He didn’t want to be back here. He _shouldn’t_ be back here. He shouldn’t be in Los Santos, but he was passing through. That’s what he kept telling himself.

_I’m just passing through._

John stared at the door of his old home, wondering if the spare key was still hidden underneath the stone turtle beside him. It had been almost a year since he last saw the place. It was clearly abandoned, no car except his rental in the driveway and the windows covered with wooden boards and old police tape. This entire place was once deemed evidence to his capture, but a few heavy bribes was all it took for the LSPD to look the other way while his home was cleared out.

He knelt down and felt for the key underneath the turtle, blinking when his fingers found it and slid it out. Holding it in his hand, he almost wanted to throw it somewhere else, maybe toss it out the window of the car while he was driving so he wouldn’t be tempted to go inside. John slipped the key into the lock and opened the door, shivering as chilly air touched his skin.

The floor creaked under his feet as he walked further in, slowly looking around the dark house and taking in how much had stayed. The furniture was still around, as well as a few decorations, but everything else had been picked clean and dumped somewhere unknown. Photos were missing from their places on the walls, games that he once owned gone from the shelves, and anything that belonged to _him_ was nowhere to be seen.

John wished he didn’t think about that. There was a tug on his heart at the thought of him. Ever since John left, he haunted the blond. Every smile, every laugh, every dumb joke and thoughtful comment. He never let him go, no matter how hard he tried.

_Just how much of it was real?_

Shaking the question out of his head, John turned to leave. He didn’t want to go to the rooms. Not to where their old offices were, not to where they shared a room, he didn’t want to be anywhere near it. He didn’t want to be anywhere near _him._

But speak of the devil and he shall come, there he was in the doorway.

Smitty raised his hand in a half-hearted wave, lowering it when he accepted that John wouldn’t return the greeting. “Didn’t think I’d find you here,” he said with a weak chuckle. “Actually, I didn’t think I’d find you _alive_ , but here we are.”

John didn’t say anything, leaving them in an uncomfortable silence. Smitty cleared his throat and walked further in, closing the door behind him. “It’s getting kinda cold,” he explained. “I didn’t want to let the air in.”

The two stared at each other, taking notice of the colors they were so blind to a few years ago. John with his golden wristband visible underneath his jacket, Smitty with his emerald bracelet holding a few charms that clinked together whenever he moved. Yellow and green, the Squad and the Crew, so damn obvious and yet they were so damn oblivious.

“I really did trust you,” John finally said.

“Oh, my God, here we go again.” Smitty rolled his eyes, hands finding their way into the pockets of his jacket. “Listen, John, no matter how you twist it, we’re still the bad guys in the end. No one was good. Not the Crew, not the Squad. There was no right side to choose from.”

“And yet you still stayed with them. Even after they were killing us, one by one, after you knew who I worked for, you still stayed with the Crew.”

“Because it was the only way I could protect you.” John could hear the desperation in Smitty’s voice, begging him to understand. “Otherwise they would’ve killed you, too.” He heard it all before. Smitty’s excuse for keeping his work with the Crew a secret. To protect John, he claimed, but John had no reason to trust him. He lost his trust the second John learned who he belonged to.

“People died, Smitty.” John felt the tremble start in his hands as he remembered how many of his friends he had to hold as they drew their last breaths. “They had families, they had others who _loved_ them. Because of what you did, they’re dead.”

“That’s the price you pay when you enter this life, and you know it.” Smitty’ voice wasn’t cold like John assumed - or rather hoped, all he hoped for was another reason to hate Smitty because the current reasons just wasn’t enough. Instead, it was exhausted, apologetic, guilty. “I lost people, too. We both did.”

Silence again, unnerving and unwanted. They knew there was no one to blame for the deaths of their friends. They could point fingers all they wanted, but in the end it was how the story played out.

“What are you even doing here?” John glanced at the spot where their clock used to be in the hall. Smitty did the same. It was amazing how their brains could still retain the routine of a life no longer lived. “Last I checked, the Crew had a nice penthouse in the middle of _their_ city.”

Smitty flinched at the emphasis. Los Santos did belong to the Fake AH Crew now. The gang war that erupted between them and the Squad ended when Smitty used John to get the intel he needed for the Crew. Evan’s last order was for everyone to get the hell out of the city and live a better life. Then the comms went dark.

“I come here from time to time,” he answered. “It’s familiar to me. Sometimes I stay the night. What about you? Why are you back?”

“I’m on a trip to see someone. Los Santos just so happened to be in the way.”

“Who are you seeing?”

“My girlfriend.” The lie tasted disgusting in his mouth. It burned his tongue and took hold of his heart when Smitty’s face fell just slightly. The truth was he had no girlfriend, he wasn’t on a trip to see anyone. He just wanted to drive. He had been driving for the past few days and somehow he ended up here. Now he didn’t know where else to go.

“Oh. Well, I hope she knows how to put up with you.” Smitty tried to smile but it seemed off.

_You’re the only one who knows how to put up with me._

“She does. She’s learned, I guess.”

“Even your favorite vape juice?”

_No one else knows me like you do._

“Oh, she got that memorized on the first date.”

“Damn. I’m glad you’re happy.”

_I’m not happy._

“I am, too.”

There was a brief pause between the two, neither looking at each other and instead focusing on something else in the house. For John, it was the window of the living room where the sun was setting. It’d be dark soon. He needed to figure out what he was going to do.

Smitty broke the silence. “There is no girlfriend, is there?”

“...No.”

“I figured. You were messing with your rings when talking.” A bad habit that John couldn’t shake off and a dead giveaway that he was lying or nervous. Only Smitty could tell which. “You came to the city just because, then.”

John shrugged. “I didn’t really have a plan in mind when driving. I just wanted to see this place one last time.”

Smitty let out a silent laugh and shook his head. “Well...I doubt you wanna stay here. Or anywhere near me. There’s a motel on the way to Mount Chiliad. The Crew doesn’t deal with it yet, but I don’t know how long that’s gonna last. It’s safe enough that you can stay there for a few nights before going...somewhere, I guess.”

He narrowed his eyes at the Canadian, searching for any sign that he shouldn’t be trusted. “How do I know this isn’t a trap?”

“Because despite everything that’s happened, I still love you.” Smitty huffed, the tip of his shoe digging into the wooden floor beneath them like it always did when he was embarrassed. “And I’d never put you in danger, no matter what.”

John hated that it was good enough for him to believe. A year ago, he would’ve scoffed and brushed it off, called him a liar like he did that night. But a year ago he still had Smitty. He figured he could live without him. He realized soon enough that he was wrong.

“Alright, fine.” John made his way to the front door, passing Smitty along the way. When Smitty grabbed his arm, he cursed at the world, wanting nothing more than to leave and never return. “What is it now?”

“I…” Smitty faltered, mouth opening and closing a few times before he swallowed and let John go. “I just wanted to do something. For old times’ sake.”

Maybe he was secretly hoping Smitty would pull a gun out on him. Maybe he wanted Smitty to prove him right and reveal his true nature as a Crew member. Maybe he just wanted Smitty to kill him already. Whatever the reason, John caught on to what he was requesting and sighed. He took a moment to brace himself for the worst and leaned in.

Just like everything else in this godforsaken house, the kiss was familiar. From the way Smitty had to tilt his head up to reach, to how easily their lips connected. As if they weren’t supposed to hate each other, as if one of them wasn’t supposed to be dead and the other wasn’t supposed to kill them. It was supposed to be like this, just the two of them in their home, living together without a single care in the world. And yet they gave it up for their gangs.

_Was it worth it?_

When they pulled away, John didn’t want to. He knew he had to leave now, otherwise he’d make a mistake and stay with Smitty. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“I guess so.” Smitty smiled slightly, letting his hand drop from its place on John’s shoulder. He watched the other turn away, going back to the front door. “Hey. It was fun while it lasted, right?”

He paused and looked over his shoulder. Years of their friendship passed before his eyes, followed by the few years they spent as a couple while living in Los Santos. Everything started and ended with this city. Everything started and ended with him.

John smiled. “Yeah. It was fun.” He opened the front door, looking up at the dark sky. “You never saw me, alright?”

He heard Smitty laugh gently, the same laugh that haunted his dreams. “Who left the door open? Must be some ghost.”

John closed the door behind him and headed over to his rental car. Hopping in, he took one last look at the house that used to be his. Smitty stood at the window, and John tried to pretend he didn’t see him wipe at his eyes. He gave one last wave before starting the car and pulling out of the driveway.

He didn’t start crying until he reached the first traffic light.

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you just gotta take your favorite pairing and make sure they never get a happy ending.
> 
> sometime it be like that.
> 
> come find me on tumblr @rxootbeer and ask me how many times i had to rewrite this because good lord,,,it was a lot.


End file.
